My Dearest Nicolas

We’ve been apart for 164 days now, give and take a couple of days, and I feel like without you I’m slowly becoming nothing. Sometimes I pretend like you’re there laying next to me at night, like how it used to be. We would lay in the darkness just talking about everything; our feelings, our memories together, time’s when we hated our lives, times when we were so happy. I think about the night when we made pancakes together and your whole family came over and everyone was just laughing and listening to the radio, eating pancakes together at like 11:30 at night. I think about that first day we decided to meet up again, June 2, 2012. You road a bike and searched all around this huge park to find me. You were dripping with sweat. I remember that my side was hurting super bad, and that I was in an argument with someone so I was upset. That was the first time I’d seen you ride something other than a skateboard. Sometimes I think about what my life would be like right now if we hadn’t decided to meet up at that park that day. Would we still be dating? Would you still be in Kearney? Would we be writing each other? I remember the day when you walked me all the way to some park just so I could comfort one of my friends who was being treated like shit by some guy. You bought me water so I would stay cool while you were practically dying from the hot summer day, then again, every single day in the summer was hot. Remember the night when you were on run? You told me to come over in the middle of the night so I did, and hugging you was possibly the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life. I was so happy being able to hold the one person I was needing the most and hadn’t seen in a long time. Remember the time when you cried on my shoulder? Or when you were trying your hardest to not cry in front of me, so I told you it was okay to cry, because big boys cry, too? I remember the night when we were laying on your bed and Charlie was there, and we were all sitting there making fun of some Little Caesar’s commercial that I was trying to explain to you about earlier that day, Charlie wouldn’t stop recording us and saying “Whoop!” haha, that night was so funny. Or our picnic at the cemetery. That was such a nice date. We may have been roasting and our food may have not tasted too well, but being with you and yelling at those swans and helping the ducks was possibly the greatest moment that’s happened in my life so far. I’m so glad we’ve had so many amazing moments together. I miss you so much, sweetie. I never thought we’d be apart for so long. I hope you’re doing well up there. I hope you’re keeping out of trouble. We will be sitting here waiting for you to come home again. We’re all going to be one big happy family, I don’t care what anyone says. You’re truly the love of my life. 7 months seems so much longer when you’ve known the person your whole life. I’m so happy that you’re clean and happy and not doing bad things anymore. I always told you you could do it, and now you see that you actually can. I love you with all of my heart and I hope to see you soon. 

Love,

Cece