i just really want a long, meaningful hug.

I want to come home and not get screamed at every single day. I want my family to actually act like they care. I want Nick to come home. I want to feel like I'm loved. I want people to stop calling me a slut and staring at me. I want to be happy. And I want to feel something other than hate. I want to be like the other girls in class that have their boyfriends there and I want to feel comfortable talking in class. I want to feel like I have friends. Ever sense Nick left I've become a bitter person, I'm not happy. I'm always mad at someone or something, I even get mad for people laughing. I just want to go to sleep and stay laying in bed all day and all night. I want to be able to drink soda and not have people try to tell me how awful it is to drink it because I'm doing my child wrong. At least I'm not smoking or doing anything illegal. I'm usually at home, in my room by myself, or I'm working. I deserve a soda that I won't finish every once and a while. I just want my family to hug me and I want to feel safe in their arms, but that doesn't happen. It hasn't happened in months.
i just want to be happy

Im so sick and tired of being treated like shit by everyone all the time. And people wonder why I don't like talking to people, well, all I get in return is to be treated like shit.

Update

This week has been pretty suckish. I've been debating on whether or not to quit my job at Village Inn, but I love my old people too much. My coworkers are so nice to me and they always know how to make me laugh, but there's those other coworkers that just make me want to hit their heads on a wall. There's the people that just make me happy because of our little conversations we have, but there's those people who are stupid and rude and mean and annoying and i just want to beat them up but I don't because I'm nice and I like getting paid. Then, there's the times when my back is hurting so much that I just want to curl up in a ball and just cry forever and ever cause my back hurts so gosh darn much. But then I think about it and realize I don't know where else I'd work at. I mean I could do lots of other things, but I don't know what I would do. I don't know what other things I would like to do. And I REALLY want a job that I'll like. Otherwise I won't wanna go. And I'm so sick of school. I'm tired and I just want to sleep. I'm too tired for work and school and dealing with my sister. And I really want a dog because I really miss my puppy and it just sucks because my sister and my mom have to like the dog, too, but none of us can agree on anyone of the dogs that we like. And it's so annoying! And yesterday I had a two and a half hour shift at Aeropostale and it was so pointless. All I did was clean, really. But on another note, one of my coworkers gave me two HUGE bag of baby boy clothes! How perfect!! :) I'm so excited for him to finally come so i can finally see him!
Oh lordyyyyyyyy I hope this day ends quickly this class is driving me insane.

Im glad shes comfy with her arms on my face!!! What a little fart!

My gifts came!

My friend from Thailand sent me some little accessories and some jewelry and she sent me a cat hair clip!!! I love it so much!

3rd trimester!

:) whoop!!!

National Squirrel Day!!!

I can't wait! Just two more days! WHOOP! SQUIRRELS FOR LIFE!

i love him so much

"I'll always be around, whenever you need me I'll be there. I promise."
"Cece, I love you so god damn much it makes my heart hurt when you're mad at me. My sister Ashley asked me if I loved you & I told her "Yes, with all my heart & I would give my life for her any day."
"All I want to do right now is just hold you & let all my worries fade. If I could I would put all my love into this letter, but my hand would fall off from writing so much. So you're just going to have to take my word when I said I love you A LOTT! You wanna know the best part about us? We've loved each other since the 2nd grade. I mean, who the hell can say they're still with their first crush?! Us! You know why? Because we're cool like that. Well boo, I just want to apologize for hurting you so many times, I never mean to hurt you intentionally & you know that. And I can only pray that you forgive me because I've done so much wrong to you that any other girl would of killed me & danced on my grace. But you're still with me & for that you're my soldier. That's how I know you truly love me baby girl. I don't think anybody could overcome the challenges you have. Sometimes I wonder if your heart's really made of steal & you just cry & stuff because that's what girls do ;) I'm just playin with you. But honestly, you're probably the toughest person I'll ever meet in my life. And I'm ready to live hand in hand with you forever. I hope you feel the same way because if you didn't I'd feel stupid. But babe, you can love and hate me all you want. I'm still going to be there for you no matter what. You could try to get rid of me as much as you want but baby I'm not going no where. I can't even imagine a life without you, that's how important you are to me."
"We might as well be attached at the hip because I'm here to stay, babe. Lately everything has been reminding me of you. Every time somebody talks about riding a bike or something I think of your shitty blue bike & how I rode it to your house while it had a flat tire. Or if somebody says something about pizza I laugh because I think of that night with you, me, and Charzard (Charlie) when we first seen that commercial. But most of all, when somebody says something about 'love, life, or babies' it's like a waterfall of you in my heart & mind. I miss you so damn much & I wish there was a way I could prove it to you right now but there's not. But right now worry about yourself and the baby. Don't worry about me for the time being. I know asking you to not worry about me is like asking for water not to be wet, but I can tell from your letters that you're not doing too good. And before I even got your letter I knew something was wrong because I could feel it in my heart. I NEED you to be strong, baby girl. If you're hurting, I'm hurting. If you're smiling, I'm smiling. Honestly, you're my life-line right now."
"And I know it's been awhile since we've last seen each other, but look at it this way: when we finally see each other again it'll be all the better. And remember, if you ever need me I'm just a letter away. Ok, that sounded wayyyyy better in my head, lol :) But, seriously if you ever need to just pour your heart out into a letter & I'll make you happy, just like I used to <3 The last thing I want you to think is that I'm not here for you anymore."
"I love you with all my heart & would give my life to be with you right now."
Awh c: I miss him so much.

Glucose testing

So, I have my glucose testing on Monday and I am NOT excited at all. I feel like I am going to drink it and it's going to taste very gross and I feel like it's just going to make me feel like 10x worse than I already do and I DON'T WANT TO FEEL SICK ANYMOREEEEE.
I'm not excited.

At all.

Missing Annabelle!

I MISS MY KITTEN.
but i get paid today so thats good.

Annabelle

I miss my baby:(

Feeling awful

My back hurts and my arms hurt. Everything hurts. I just want to feel betterrr :( oh well. I'd go through all this pain again for you, my little prince. I love you son!!!

Work

Can't I just get paid for sleeping? I don't wanna go to work, I just want to go to sleep. Young pregnant teens should not have two jobs. No pregnant person should have two jobs. :((((

Lover

Somebody that you love, and especially in the romantic/sexual sense. A sweetheart.

Warning: For every day of joy, there is one of woe, if you get my drift. The more you love someone, the more he makes you cry, or makes you crazy.

Still, those parts can be worked past. Lovers provide emotional support, shelter in a storm.

I Loved You From the Start.

"I loved you from the very start…

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

Our life together has just begun,

You’re part of me, my little one.

As mother with child, each day I knew

My mind would be filled with thoughts of you.

I’m daydreaming of the things we’ll share,

Like late-night bottles and teddy bears.

Like first steps and skinned knees,

Like bedtime stories and ABC’s.

I’m thinking of things you’ll want to know,

Like how birds fly and flowers grow.

I’ve thought of lessons I’ll need to share,

Like standing tall and playing fair.

When I first see your precious face,

I’ll pray your life be touched with grace.

I’ll thank the angels from above,

And promise you unending love.

Each night I’ll lay you down to sleep,

I’ll gently kiss your head and cheek.

I’ll count your little fingers and toes,

I’ll memorize your eyes and nose.

I will linger at your nursery door,

Awed each day that I love you more.

Through misty eyes, I’ll dim the light,

And whisper, “I love you” every night.

As mother with child our journey’s begun,

My heart’s yours forever, little one.

I loved you from the very start…

You stole my breath, embraced my heart."

Baby

"I look forward to your birth, when I can kiss your skin,
But for now I'll just smile, as I feel you play within."

Distancia

I’m suffering from a hunger

That no food will cure

It’s the worst kind of need

The hardest to endure

I crave your mouth on mine

Skin pressed to skin

I’ve started counting the days

Until I see you again

It seems I do more counting

Than I ever do seeing

But they keep saying success

Is all about believing

Yet I still miss your nose

Rubbing lightly against mine

But when asked how it is

I answer with “just fine”

But I need your hand on mine

Your chest against my back

I hate always feeling

As if you’re what I lack

Technology is great

But it cannot transfer a kiss

And darling I must say

That’s what I truly miss

Eyelashes lightly bumping

Your breath across my face

These are gestures my love

That can never be replaced

So count as I may

And wish as I might

I’ll keep waiting through the days

And the lonely nights.

Here's something to make everyone smile!

I guess I'm 7 months! Who knew!!! Only two months left!!!!

Your First Trimester: 

1^st Month = Weeks 1,2,3,4  
2^nd Month = Weeks 5,6,7,8  
3^rd Month = Weeks 9,10,11,12,13

Your Second Trimester:
4^th Month = Wks 14,15,16,17
5^th Month = Wks 18,19,20,21
6^th Month = Wks 22,23,24,25,26

Your Third Trimester:
7^th Month = Wks 27,28,29,30
8^th Month = Wks 31,32,33,34,35
9^th Month = Wks 36,37,38,39,40

My Dearest Nicolas

We’ve been apart for 164 days now, give and take a couple of days, and I feel like without you I’m slowly becoming nothing. Sometimes I pretend like you’re there laying next to me at night, like how it used to be. We would lay in the darkness just talking about everything; our feelings, our memories together, time’s when we hated our lives, times when we were so happy. I think about the night when we made pancakes together and your whole family came over and everyone was just laughing and listening to the radio, eating pancakes together at like 11:30 at night. I think about that first day we decided to meet up again, June 2, 2012. You road a bike and searched all around this huge park to find me. You were dripping with sweat. I remember that my side was hurting super bad, and that I was in an argument with someone so I was upset. That was the first time I’d seen you ride something other than a skateboard. Sometimes I think about what my life would be like right now if we hadn’t decided to meet up at that park that day. Would we still be dating? Would you still be in Kearney? Would we be writing each other? I remember the day when you walked me all the way to some park just so I could comfort one of my friends who was being treated like shit by some guy. You bought me water so I would stay cool while you were practically dying from the hot summer day, then again, every single day in the summer was hot. Remember the night when you were on run? You told me to come over in the middle of the night so I did, and hugging you was possibly the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life. I was so happy being able to hold the one person I was needing the most and hadn’t seen in a long time. Remember the time when you cried on my shoulder? Or when you were trying your hardest to not cry in front of me, so I told you it was okay to cry, because big boys cry, too? I remember the night when we were laying on your bed and Charlie was there, and we were all sitting there making fun of some Little Caesar’s commercial that I was trying to explain to you about earlier that day, Charlie wouldn’t stop recording us and saying “Whoop!” haha, that night was so funny. Or our picnic at the cemetery. That was such a nice date. We may have been roasting and our food may have not tasted too well, but being with you and yelling at those swans and helping the ducks was possibly the greatest moment that’s happened in my life so far. I’m so glad we’ve had so many amazing moments together. I miss you so much, sweetie. I never thought we’d be apart for so long. I hope you’re doing well up there. I hope you’re keeping out of trouble. We will be sitting here waiting for you to come home again. We’re all going to be one big happy family, I don’t care what anyone says. You’re truly the love of my life. 7 months seems so much longer when you’ve known the person your whole life. I’m so happy that you’re clean and happy and not doing bad things anymore. I always told you you could do it, and now you see that you actually can. I love you with all of my heart and I hope to see you soon. 

Love,

Cece

Valentines Day

I've been thinking long and hard about what I'm going to do for Valentine's day.. Everyone is probably going to be spending it with the ones they love, or crying in their bedrooms because they are single and they really want to be in a relationship, ha, but I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to be doing. Considering it's going to be a Thursday night, I might be working. I wouldn't have much of a problem with that. If I don't work I think I'm just going to buy a bunch of chocolate and a bear for myself and watch some movies that remind me of Nick and I. I think I'll write him most of the night, though. I usually spend my nights doing that, but I'll just probably talk about our memories and all that fun jazz. It's easy thinking of memories with him because we've known each other for so long, so I might just do that. It's pretty cool being in love with someone you've known your whole life. It makes things easier when you're dating the best friend you've had your whole life.. I hope he gets to come home soon. I miss him so much. I'd do anything just to hold him in my arms again. I'm so glad I've spend the last 8 months of my life with the person who makes me feel complete. 
Come home soon sweetie. 

Annabelle and me!

Isn't my baby just the cutest??!

Love

"Cecilia,
Hey baby girl. I know it's kind of early for a Valentine's Card but this is the best card I've seen here and it was the last one like this. Anyways, I want to remind you that your my life and without you I would be lost. And I wanted to thank you for opening my eyes. You've made me realize I don't have to act like someone I'm not just to be somebody. I'm a father now and that's more than I could of ever asked for. When our son gets asked who his hero is, I want him to say 'My dad.' I love you babe.
Love, Nick."
Isn't that so cute? I miss him so much. I hope I can see him soon!!! :)

Officially 27 weeks!!!

Third and final Trimester here we gooo! :) Hopefully time goes by pretty fast, I'm sick of this!

Baby's room

After working on his room for quite sometime now it's almost perfect. Found the perfect wall decor and now I'm just waiting on my rocking chair to get here! It's going to be perfect! I'm so excited for him to be able to have his own room. I really hope I'm in the right tracks to giving him a great life.

Got another card!

Everytime I get a card from Nick I laugh so much, but this card was so cute! He's already sending Valentine's day cards.. How cute. :)

6 months!!!

Three more to go, PLEASE COME SOON.